" 2 Am and i'm still awake writing this song, if i get it all down on paper it's no longer in side of me, threatening the life it belongs too. And i feel like i'm naked in front of a crowd, these words are my diary screaming out loud and i know that you'll use them however you want too..."
Can it? Can one hour, sixty seconds, really make such an impact on you, that your life has changed forever?
It took 3 years to build the titanic, and only 2 hours 40 minutes for it to sink.
It took 102hours, 45minutes and 40 seconds for the Apollo to get to the moon, but only 1 minute for Neil Armstrong to step onto the surface.
It took 1,364 years for someone to make a hand gun, but it only takes seconds for a bullet to end a life.
Question: can sixty seconds change your life?
Answer: it can only take 1 moment to change your life. Whether it's a good or bad, self inflicted or unknown circumstances these moments are everywhere. Possibly even sixty seconds away from now. So yeah, it can change your life... Its how you deal with it that changes who you are.
Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fighting.
Noah: Well, that's what we do! We fight! You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass. Which you are 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two-second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing.
Allie: So what?
Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday.
Okay, i've just decided my life is about to change.
I'm not as happy as I could be and I could do so much more with my time.
I don't mean to sound blunt but.... one day we're gonna die. What's the point in letting things slip you by. But then what's the point in holding on to things that are just going to waste your time.
I'm gonna get fitter and acutally be good at sport.
I'm gonna finish uni in 3 years with my first!
I'm not gonna have to use my degree because i'm going to travel with my guitar.
I'm going to TRAVEL.
I'm going to be daring.
I'm gonna pay more attention to life rather than being tired or complaining about being tried.
I'm going to follow my gut feelings.
I'm gonna stop being so paranoid.
I'm gonna start living.
I'm going to be more calm.
I'm NOT going to worry about the future and just concentrate on now.
I'm not going to read to much into things.
I'm going to make time for people.
I'm going to stop doing stupid things.
I'm going to concentrate on every aspect of my life EXCEPT love.
I'm gonna learn to play piano.
I'm gonna busk and play more gigs.
I'm gonna smile and enjoy my time and NOT worry if other people are having a better time than me or not.
I'm going to live my life.
I'm going to be the person I want to be.
I'm going to live how i want to live.
And if my heart gets broken, and if i loose everything i have, at least i wont think 'What if' at least I can say I lived. And no matter what happens I can and I will find true happiness in my life.
Step one. To believe I can do everything I just spoke about. To believe in myself for a change.
Because to be fair i;m a bit of a hypercrit. Telling everyone who reads this blog to change and live you life when I'm not even putting 100% into mine because i'm lazy and to put it bluntly i'm scared. Of what could happen. Of the future. Of life.
It's funny. I've done a lot of crazy stuff in my life and I feel like i've really been alive. And I always think to myself that the time will come for me to settle down when i'm done living my life.... and right now it feels like i'm not even close.
Okay, so i've done a lot of living for a girl of 18... but some people have done so much more. So much more. There is still so much I want to do. We always waiting in out life. Waiting to live. Waiting for the holiday. Waiting to go home. Waiting to leave. Waiting for EVERYTHING in our life. Why can't we just enjoy right now? Why do we have to stay so far back in the past that we cant think about the future? Or so caught up in our future that we forget to live for now. Why can't people just BE. And be happy.
As soon as someone figure's out why, that's when you learn how to live. And when they then use the answer, that's when they finally live. You can do as much things in world as the next person but the person who truly lives isn't running from there past or away from the future. You can do nothing and still live because your truly happy.
So stop worrying about what everyone is doing because that is never going to help. It will only make it worse. And start concentrating on what your doing. And what makes you happy. And how YOU want to live YOUR life.
And remember to enjoy your time. Don't do any of this "they look like there having so much more fun than me. There living. I have a rubbish life" because if you honest with yourself you do do that don't you? Constantly judge yourself with other people looking for evidence that your living. Truth is you can smile in a picture but it doesn't mean your having a good time.
Just try and be happy. At the end of the day, that's what matter most.
I was just dancing away on the dance floor and then suddenly decided to look over at him. I saw his gorgeous smile and intent eyes flicker around the room and I just realised, after all this time, we have the right love at the wrong time. Its like... I knew it all along. knew it and I said it and it was just sat at the back of my mind., but I never believed it because I loved him. I do love him. I'm very sure I will always love him. And the feeling I have right now makes me feel like we are soul mates, and one day he will be mine forever. But that time isn't now. It's like I looked through someone else's eyes and realised if we carried on like we were then we're going to break each other. This isn't right. This isn't fair on either of us and I can't pretend i'm happy anymore.
So...
Dear You,
This you is for everyone who is in love at the wrong time, broken from love and waiting for love. It's hard. It sucks. Some days you just want to sit and cry and it feels like you'll never find someone. Sometimes it feels like the what ever choice we make is going to be the wrong one. We all live in fear of ruining our lives but if your not happy things HAVE to change. Things wont just "get better". The pain might be unbearable but in the end it will be worth it for the moment when you realise exactly what you want and your truly happy.
And this you is for you, my dear sweet love, if you ever read this. I'm so sorry. I always said we were the victim of circumstance . Please know i've loved you with all my heart. I truly did. Saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I ever do. It is the hardest thing i've had to do. So just make sure you keep yourself safe, okay? I will always be here for you. Just know that. <3
.... And the suddenly it's like i've never been so lost in my life.
So I haven't written to you, my dear readers, in quite a while. For that I do apologize. Life has been a bit hectic recently between unexpected circumstances in the family, self esteem issues, heartache and of course none of this was helped by the fact I moved 90 miles away from my friends and family to a small town by the cost to start my new life.
When I moved her I was at one of the lowest points of my life I think. I cried every night for a week. Everything was knew, I wasn't enjoying it, I wanted my family and friends back. It just seemed that I was looking forwade to leaving and having this fresh start and when I got here all I wanted was what I had. The whole you never know what you've got until it's gone thing kicked in. I thought I made a mistake. And I haven't admitted this before but I was so close to packing my stuff and leaving. Coming home and restart my thinking. Who was I kidding? I have NEVER cooked a meal for myself! I couldn't do the washing.... what was all these bills people were sending me about paying for my accommodation? I didn't know anyone.... I couldn't talk to anyone... I wasn't ready to move out! I wasn't ready for any of it.
And here I am. Two months later. Leaving for Christmas in a week and I kind of don't want to leave. I love it here. I love the partying. I love my course. I love the people I have met and I love trying new things and doing new things. I love how I have so much opportunity here to be who ever I want to be and go places i've always wanted to go and it's all new exciting.
And until today I realised that i got too caught up in the wurl wind of it all and i gave myself no time to relax. And now i'm suffering for it. Things have changed in my life right now. The only thing i'm sure about at the moment is that i'm in love. But distance pulled that apart. Life pulled that apart. Situation pulled that apart. I'm not who I want to be. I'm not me. Things happen in life so you just have to deal with it and move on. But you've got to give yourself time to move on. People keep rushing life. I have been rushing life. And now, i'm ready to slow down and work on me. Work on what I really want and which path I want to go. What better time to start then right now?
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